Many people say that it is impossible for civilised people to live in peace with those who follow ideologies that say that its adherents should murder and enslave said civilised persons. Some of those who take this pessimistic view, counsel that the civilised people should follow a path of defensive war to defend themselves from the ravening savages, who follow an ideology woefully misnamed as ‘a religion of peace. Others, myself included, disagree with that position. Some of us believe that eventually those who follow a seventh century robber, rapist and paedophile called ‘Mohammed’ could, if they are pushed back against by both states and peoples, and if its apostates and reformers are given support, security and encouragement, become considerably more civilised than they are at present.

However there is a third option, one formulated by the late great Douglas Adams, the author of the ‘Hitch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’. This option is The ‘B’ Ark. In Hitch-hiker’s, Adams posited the idea of a people called the Golgafrinchans who were very cultured but who realised that their society was divided into three parts, the wealthy successful part, the part that did all the creating and working, and the worthless parasitical middle part. This middle section of the population was made up of advertising executives, telephone sanitisers, accountants and all the other people who did no real work and contributed little to the overall happiness of the Golgafrinchans.

The Golgafrinchans eventually decided to rid themselves of the parasitical and worthless third of their population by feeding them a whole load of bullshit about how the Golgafrinchans planet was about to be destroyed and that evacuation of the planet was necessary. The Golgafrinchans told the useless third of their population that they were of such great importance to Golgafrinchan society that they would be put on the first of a series of three space Arks and sent off to colonise a new planet. The parasitical third were sent off on what was called the ‘B’ Ark with the promise that the ‘A’ and ‘C’ Arks containing the successful and the hard working would follow on afterwards. Unfortunately the parasitical third were told a monstrous lie and there was no A and C Arks and all the telephone sanitisers, accountants and advertising executives were set adrift into deep space.

This looks to me like a relatively humane way for the Golgafrinchans to deal with their useless and parasitical third of a population. There was no mass murder, no deliberate starvation, no overt oppression, just a big lie and a long journey in a well provisioned space ship with the chance to build a brand new society on some other planet far far away, which eventually the did.

I wonder if the Golgafrinchans’ plan would work with Earth’s more troublesome and violent Muslims? Maybe we in the civilised world could put around a rumour that a cybernetic Jewish piloted space pig was on its way to devour Mecca and shower the planet in bacon rendering the whole of Earth ‘haram’. This untrue rumour could be used to persuade Earth’s more uncivilised and violent Muslims to board a ‘Mo’ Ark and boldly go across the galaxy where no savage has gone before, on a journey that (hopefully) would last considerably longer than five years. It would be helpful to embellish the lie with the ‘Jewish pilot’ aspect as we all know don’t we about the penchant for ‘Jewish conspiracy’ guff in Islamic communities.

The Mo Ark would be flung into some distant corner of the galaxy with the hope that the troublesome Muslims might civilise themselves on the journey and arrive on some far distant planet much less willing to scream ‘allah hu akbar’ and murder people with their current level of monotonous regularity. Giving them a chance to piss off somewhere else and learn to be civilised would undoubtedly be less ethically troubling than war, mass murder, oppressions or any of the other gruesome creations that humanity has made.

But, what’s that I’m hearing in my ear from the Star Trek fans, is that something about a Prime Directive not to interfere with the development of other lifeforms? Without doubt the Trekkies have a point. It would be a big ethical fail if some habitable planet populated with peaceful civilised creatures suddenly had the descendants of Anjem Choudary fall upon them. It would indeed be terrible. The indigenous population of this planet not stand a chance. They would be as ruthlessly exploited by the shipload of Islamic savages just as the Eloi were exploited by the Morlocks in HG Wells novel ‘The Time Machine’ or how the non Muslims in the London Borough of Newham have been treated by its very pro-Islamic administration.

However many of the potentially troublesome ethical problems that would be caused by dumping a spaceship load of angry and violent Muslims on some far distant but inhabited planet could be negated by considering the nature of Islam and Islamic societies themselves. In other words the problem of putting at risk innocent cultures from the Mo Ark’s poisonous Islamic cargo may well sort itself out en route.

We should remember that not only does the Islamic world hate the non Islamic world, the Islamic world violently hates other bits of the Islamic world as well. The Sunni hate the Shia and vice versa, the reformists are hated by the conservatives, some Muslims despise other Muslims on the grounds that they are ‘not Islamic enough’, or who doesn’t force their wife into a burka, and they will turn on any Muslim who others have accused of being a ‘zionist lackey’.

The inhabitants of the Islamic world hate each other so much that by the time the Mo Ark reaches the orbit of Jupiter the ship will be a seething mass of hatreds and latent violence. A few months or maybe a year or so later when the Mo Ark reaches the orbit of Uranus there would be a full scale internecine war going on with Islam’s violent and hate filled impulses given full rein. It is quite possible that by the time the ship reaches the Oort Cloud at the edge of the Solar System, or even by the orbit of Neptune, all the violent fighting Muslims would have killed themselves struggling with each other. The troublesome Muslims would have had their chance to create their ‘perfect’ Islamic society on the ship but the Islamic community on the ship would almost inevitably self destruct into violence and killing, just like Pakistan has.

With all the ship board extremist Muslims dead at their own hands, there would be no hazard that the Prime Directive would be broken as a shipload of dead troublesome Muslims would by its nature be of little trouble to any planet that it landed or crashed on. It is even possible that some spacefaring travellers could encounter the Mo Ark, now bereft of life, in deep space, enter it and say after looking around: ‘It was life Jim, but not as we know it’. The internal hatreds within Islam are so strong that even if the Mo Ark could travel at light speed it is unlikely that the passengers on the Ark could reach the Sun’s nearest stellar neighbour with a planetary system, Proxima Centuri approximately 4.25 light years away, without everyone killing everyone else on board the Mo Ark.

Of course there would be no Terran equivalent of the Golgafrinchan’s A and C Arks, they would be entirely fictional. But, without the worst of the worst of the Islamic world here we, the various races and followers of the more peaceful belief systems of humanity, would be able to live on our planet untroubled by the sort of Muslims who don’t just make life shit and dangerous for non Muslims, but for the world’s half decent Muslims as well.

The prospect of getting on on the Mo Ark could be an attractive one for some Muslim nutcases. All expenses paid, a chance to create a perfect shipboard Islamic society, guaranteed halal meals, access to weapons and any burka you like as long as it’s black. So to conclude, shall we ask the big question of one of Britain’s worst Muslims which is: ‘Mr Choudary, are you sold on the idea of creating your ideal Islamic society somewhere other than Britain, is it all aboard the Mo Ark for you and your family then?’